Mud Angels
by snappleapple518
Summary: Courtney copes with the reality of what happened on Eelong. PostBlack Water, PreRivers of Zaada. Read and Review please!


_Disclaimer: I don't own Pendragon… but that would totally awesome if I did!_

This takes place post Post-BW, Pre-ROZ.

**Mud Angels**

Courtney pumped her arms and ran faster and faster trying to keep the world spinning around her. She feared that if she stopped she'd realize once again the horror of what she'd done- the failure that she was. The way that she'd let Bobby, and all the Travelers down. The way she'd destroyed the gate to Eelong… and trapped two Travelers on a territory they were unfamiliar with.

She was afraid…

Afraid that she'd remember that Bobby might never look at her the same way again.

And so she continued to run.

_She never slows down  
She doesn't know why  
But she knows that when she's all alone  
It feels like it's all coming down  
_

Finally she felt so tired that even fear would not be able to keep her running. She sat down on the wooden bench on the side of the track, and remembered at different time- a time when she'd been the best. A time when she'd been the girl that all the other girls wanted to be. The girl who everyone looked up to. Now she was old news- the girl who had come back from summer vacation and had somehow lost her edge. And then Eelong… oh, Eelong. Why hadn't she just listened? When could she ever listen?

She felt someone tap her on the shoulder, and she jumped a foot off the bench. She heard a soft chuckle and saw a dark shadow in front of her that she recognized as Mark Dimond's. She turned slowly around and glared at him. But she was actually really glad to see him. He was the only who seemed to still believe she could get through this- including herself.

_She won't turn around  
The shadows are long  
And she fears if she cries that first tear  
The tears will not stop raining down  
_

"Hey, Courtney!" he smiled. She was so sick of his perky attitude. Eelong hadn't seemed to affect him… but then again, it wasn't nearly as much his fault as it was hers. She had pushed him to go. Pushed him to destroy everyone's lives…

"Hey, Mark." She sighed, and looked up at him, her blond hair falling in front of her thin face. She didn't realize it but it was much thinner and paler than before she'd gone to Eelong. It just didn't have that same glow… neither did her eyes. Mark, however, had noticed her lifelessness.

"Are you okay, Courtney?" he asked.

"Fine." She mumbled, looking down at a small patch of grass, on which a bright colored daisy had sprouted.

"Are you sure, cause you don't look fine." He told her, a fact which she didn't want to hear. Because she knew she wasn't fine. But she didn't want anyone to call her on it.

"Positive." She said, trying to smile, but not quite accomplishing it. It ended up looking like a goofy snarl. But Mark didn't laugh. He just grew more concerned.

"Okay, Court. But you do know, that if you ever need to talk, I'm always there for you, right?" he asked, raising his eyebrows. He pushed a bit of light brown hair out of his eyes.

"I know…" she said quietly, but still did not smile or look up at him standing above her. He turned and began to walk away, sensing that she didn't want to talk. In fact, she hadn't wanted to talk for the last few weeks. She didn't stop him from leaving. He was right. She wasn't in the mood to talk.

"It's not your fault." He said quietly as she walke

She sat on the bench alone, afraid that if she stood up she wouldn't be able to keep her balance. And if she fell, she feared that she wouldn't be able to get up.

_She won't make a sound  
Alone in this fight with herself  
And the fear's whispering  
If she stands, she'll fall down_

That was when the storm started.

Both in her heart and the sky.

The tears started to flow from her eyes, as they slammed down from the sky. She began to shake as the tears from the sky met the tears from her heart.

She stood up feeling a new vigor.

Little did she know that Mark was watching from over by the fence?

_So stand in the rain  
Stand your ground  
Stand up when it's all crashing down  
You stand through the pain  
You won't drown  
And one day what's lost can be found_

It was an amazing scene as he watched it… almost poetic.

The thin, wiry blonde haired girl walked toward the center of the soccer field, where she had once felt so at home, and raised her fists toward the sky. She began to scream. The sky seemed to echo back with each scream, as if to say tell the young girl who was boss.

_So stand in the rain  
Stand your ground  
Stand up when it's all crashing down  
You stand through the pain  
You won't drown  
_

If Mark had been a bit closer to Courtney he would have heard her screaming the one thing that everyone but her had always known true.

"It's not my fault! It's not my fault!" she screamed it over and over and over until the storm seemed to quiet down, as if acknowledging that she had been speaking the truth.

Amazingly she lay down on the disgustingly muddy soccer field, and spread her arms out wide around her as if she was making a snow angel.

He heard her mutter it one last time, before she fell asleep from exhaustion.

"It's not my fault…"

Mark smiled, and continued to stare at her for a minute more, treasuring the unusually peaceful expression on the girls' face before he began to walk away down the sidewalk.

She'd wake up when she was ready.

She wants to be found  
the only way out is through everything  
she's running from  
Wants to give up and lie down 

---

_So what did you think? Well, not much of a plot, but it was good to write, I guess. It took me a bit longer than my other one-shots, I think. Not so, romantic cutesy fluff, I guess. Well you know the drill: read and review!_

_Thanks for reading!_

_Snappleapple518_


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